Author: Wendy Richards
Email: wendy@lcfanfic.com
Rated: PG
**********
“Honey? It’s late. Are you coming to bed?”
Lois raised her head from the pile of papers she’d been studying. “Not yet, Clark. I know there’s something here. I just have to find it!”
“You must have been at it for hours. I’ve been gone since eight – I thought you’d be in bed long ago.” His hand lightly massaged the back of her neck.
Lois yawned. “What time is it now?”
“Almost one.” She felt the warmth of her husband’s heat vision on her neck and shoulders. He always seemed to know exactly what she needed…
“I can’t leave this yet. We’re so close…”
He sat down beside her, keeping one arm around her shoulder. “Tell me what you’re looking at.”
She stretched, then leaned against him. “It’s all this stuff that’s been happening. You know, the *weird* stuff.”
“Oh. You mean like this feeling we’ve had that every evil villain we’ve ever met is reappearing? All in the one week?”
“Yeah. You know – that thing with the pen the other day.”
“The one that turned into a poison dart as soon as I picked it up?”
Lois nodded. “That. And then there was the red Kryptonite the day before yesterday. I only just managed to get that away from you before you stripped in front of the entire newsroom.”
Clark blushed. “I’m just glad you were there, honey.”
“Me too. And then there was that weird Groundhog Day thing yesterday morning. I don’t know how it started, and I can’t remember how we managed to stop it…”
“Me neither.” Clark sat back and his face creased into a frown. “I seem to remember making someone say kill… kill-tip – something. But it’s all hazy apart from that.”
“Yeah, and that alone is worrying.” Lois rifled through the papers on the table. “And see this.” She passed one to Clark.
He took it, reading its contents faster than she could blink. She still couldn’t get used to that speed of his. “Diana Stride? Are you sure? She’s in prison – she’s not due to get out for another 30 years!”
“Yeah. But see the similarities. Okay, the hair’s a different colour and she’s obviously had a nose-job, but the voice is the same. I’m convinced of it. And the way she looked at you – at us – when she was in the newsroom yesterday…”
“But thinking that our new gossip columnist is Diana Stride… honey, I really don’t think…”
“Clark, I’m sure of it!” Lois knew that she was sounding faintly hysterical, but she couldn’t help it. She remembered only too well the fear she’d felt when Superman had almost died from the Kryptonite kiss courtesy of Intergang’s assassin. And, of course, his secret had almost been out, except that he’d been able to come up with a way around it, thanks to some quick thinking and his mother’s technological skills.
Though she hadn’t known his secret then… he’d fooled her too.
And she would swear on Clark’s life that Patricia Walker was Diana Stride.
“Okay,” he said gently, squeezing her hand. “I’ll take a good look at her next time I see her.”
“Good. But that’s not all. I haven’t been able to shake off the feeling that I’m being watched.”
He gave her a worried look. “Still? You know I checked for you several times, sweetheart. There wasn’t anyone there.”
“I know.” Lois raked a hand through her hair. “But still… The craziest thing about it is that it made me remember the way I felt when Lex Luthor was stalking me.”
Clark sighed. “Kyle Griffin. Diana Stride. Intergang. The Groundhog thing. Lex Luthor… what on earth’s going on?”
“Your worst nightmare, Superman!”
The mocking voice appeared out of nowhere, and Lois and Clark whirled around to see yet another old enemy standing a few feet away.
“Tempus!”
*********
“Nice work. In fact, excellent.”
The figure in the black leather chair smiled in approval at her minions. They had all played their parts to perfection. Lois and Clark hadn’t known what had hit them.
Mindy Church had done an excellent job with the red Kryptonite. It was just a shame that Lois had intervened before Clark had exposed his secret – and much more – in front of the people who knew him best.
Myxzptlk had provided her with hours of fun. Watching Lois and Clark, and everyone else around them, go through the tedium of the mayor’s re-election press conference over and over had been the funniest thing she’d seen in weeks. She was grateful that she’d had Rolf film the event – that way she could relive it any time she wanted.
And Kyle. Her pet Prankster. That had worked even better than she’d thought. Clark had come so close to killing his own wife. That would have tortured him for all eternity. If he’d actually killed her, she’d have rethought the rest of her evil plan. She’d have let him live, to wallow in his own guilt for the rest of his life.
Diana Stride was doing a great job of unsettling Lois. The former Top Copy reporter had dropped just enough hints to make Lois suspect her identity, but nothing near enough for Lois to have any proof. So now Mrs Kent was thinking that she was paranoid. Just perfect!
Lex had still to play his full role. He’d mastered the stalking element easily enough, although it had taken most of her patience to convince him to do what *she* told him rather than what he wanted. He was still far too stubborn and arrogant for his own good. That, of course, was what stopped him from being the perfect villain. His own hubris had ultimately defeated him every time. This time, though, he seemed to be learning to follow orders.
And Tempus. Dear Tempus. His part of the evil plan should have just kicked in…
**********
“You!” Clark’s voice, full of a tone of hatred she’d never heard before, came from behind her. And his arms came around her and, quicker than the blink of an eye, she was standing behind him.
Keeping himself between her and Tempus, Clark faced their enemy. “Get out. I don’t know what you want, but we’ve always beaten you before. You know we will again. So get out of our house before I forget my ethics!”
Tempus merely smiled. “You’re a scream, Clark. We both know that you’d never kill me. I could put the gun into your hand and you’d still stand by and watch as I wreaked whatever havoc I wanted.”
“Just try me,” Clark said coldly.
“Oh, I’m going to.” Tempus grinned. “Come on in, Lex! She’s all yours.”
Lex! Lois felt an ice-cold chill run through her. The front door opened, and Lex Luthor strolled in, looking as urbane and monstrous as ever.
“My dear Lois. How wonderful to see you again!”
“Get away from my wife!” Clark yelled.
“Oh, but you’re not going to be able to stop him,” Tempus drawled. “Not unless you kill me, you see.”
Lois tensed as Luthor approached her. She didn’t know who to watch – the billionaire they’d already seen die twice, or her husband.
“You’re going to have to kill me,” Tempus said. “Otherwise you won’t get the chance to protect your wife.”
“Clark…” Lois began, but she had no idea what she wanted him to do.
Tempus caught her husband’s arm then. And there was a bright flash. And then the two of them disappeared.
She was still taking that in when Luthor wrapped his arms around her from behind. “Lois. My dear… Now, where were we?”
********
“So far, so good.” The evil overlord nodded in approval at the scene playing out on the screen in front of her.
“Is it my turn yet?” Kyle demanded. “You promised me that I could have Lois after Lex finished with her…”
“Soon,” she promised. “Soon.”
“And I want a chance at *him.*” A tall, slim figure, all dressed in black, stepped out of the shadows.
“Your turn will come, Deathstroke.” The mastermind smiled at him. “Just as soon as Tempus gets here with him.”
“You know Tempus!” Deathstroke complained. “He’ll take his time. He’ll want to play cat and mouse with him first.”
She smiled again. “I said he could.”
Deathstroke sat down again, muttering sulkily.
“I want him too.” Patricia Walker, otherwise known as the Huntress, spoke up. “One kiss just wasn’t enough. That body…”
“Ooh, yeah!” a breathy female voice agreed. “He’s so… hunky. Isn’t he, hunky?”
Bill Church Snr growled.
“Oh, shut up, all of you!” the Boss complained. “And somebody get me some coffee!”
No-one moved. She glared around the room. Finally, Nigel got silently to his feet and went to do her bidding.
Nigel. Her lips curved into another smile. He really was useful to have around. He seemed to be able to control Lex’s arrogance, at least some of the time. And he’d had some very good ideas as they’d thrashed out the details of the plan. It had been he who’d come up with the idea of disguising Diana as the Planet’s new gossip columnist. And he was very good at shutting Mindy up with just one look. Lex, on the other hand, had almost come to blows with Bill Church Snr twice by responding to Mindy’s flirting. It had only been the promise of finally having his way with Lois that had made Lex agree to keep his hands off Mindy.
The Boss sighed. Villains could be so difficult to control. Too many egos in one plot.
But it all seemed to be working so far. Now, all she had to do was wait for Tempus to get here. This was getting boring. She wished she’d thought to have a ping-pong table installed. Beating the whatever out of these idiots would pass the time.
“Oh, turn off that TV, someone!” she exclaimed suddenly, as a load groaning sound reached her from the other side of the room.
“But it’s Finding Nemo!” Amber Lake protested. “It’s so funny! Especially this bit… DOOOOO YOOOOOOOOOOOU SPEEEEEEEEEEAK WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALE???????”
The Boss shook her head in dismay. Children!
*********
Lois looked in satisfaction at the man lying crumpled on the floor. Lex really was out of condition. Whatever he’d been doing in the year or so since his last death hadn’t agreed with him.
It had taken her all of twenty seconds to throw him over her shoulder, incapacitate him and knock him out. She should have time to tie him up before he came around.
Two minutes and a long hank of rope later, Lex lay trussed on the floor. She’d searched his pockets at the same time, looking for clues as to what was going on. Nothing… except what looked like a cellphone. But, when she’d opened it up, there hadn’t been a dialling tone.
She’d had enough experience with suspicious objects never to ignore the unusual. So, when her prisoner opened his eyes, she stood with one foot pressed heavily against an area she was sure that he’d prefer not to be stamped on. “Okay. Start talking. Tell me where my husband is. And you can tell me what this is for, too.”
He grunted, then groaned. “You’re… hurting me.”
She smiled. “I know. So talk!” she added abruptly. “Unless you want me to replace my foot with this!” She waved the kitchen-knife she was holding at him.”
“It wasn’t my idea!” he yelled.
“I don’t care. What’s going on?”
“It’s all her doing!”
“Who?”
“The boss. The evil overlord, she calls herself. That black-haired witch…”
“And where’s my husband?”
Lex winced again. “She probably has him by now.”
“Where?”
“Her secret lair!”
“Oh yeah, of course it’d be her secret lair. How didn’t I guess?” Lois rolled her eyes. “Now, where is it?”
“I don’t know!” he yelled. “I only know… That thing you’re holding. If I tell you what to do with it, will you take your foot off me?”
“Maybe.”
He sighed. “It’s a transporter. You have to type in the password and it’ll take you there.”
“And the password is…?”
“*Please* take your foot off!”
“Not till you tell me!”
“Okay, okay!” he screamed. “It’s PRONTO, okay?”
She took her foot away. And, in the same movement, she gave him a hard kick, sending him rolling across the room. Unfortunately, Clark had left the French windows open when he’d come in a short time earlier. Lex rolled straight through, falling to the ground below with a satisfying SPLAT.
“Oops.” Lois thought about feeling guilty – she hadn’t intended to kill him, after all – but after a moment she shrugged. “Who cares?”
Then she opened the transporter and typed the letters carefully on the keypad. P-R-O-N-T-O.
There was a blinding flash of light and suddenly she wasn’t in her living-room any more.
*********
There was a blinding flash of light. Instantly, the Boss got to her feet. “Okay. Positions, everyone!”
The villains all got to their feet and stood where they’d been instructed. “Mindy, get the red Kryptonite. Nigel, get the green.” She looked down at the table with regret. “Darn, I didn’t even have time to finish my coffee.”
Tempus strolled across the room towards her, leading Clark Kent by the arm. “Here you are, my dear. Just as I promised. And, would you believe it, he’s every bit as principled as ever. He didn’t even try to kill me.”
The Boss gave Tempus a fond smile. “I’m relieved.”
Then she became aware of a commotion on the other side of the room. “What’s wrong?”
“I can’t find the Kryptonite!” Mindy whined.
She rolled her eyes. Couldn’t they be trusted to get one single thing right? “What did you do with it?”
Mindy shrugged. “I don’t know. I think Billy had it last. Didn’t you, hunky?”
Bill Snr glared at his wife. “You mean Billy Jnr!” He rolled his eyes. “He walked out last night. Said he had a much better plan all of his own.”
Why were villains such prima donnas? The Boss rolled her eyes yet again. “Nigel? What’s keeping you?”
“I am… ah… somewhat tied up at the moment,” a cultured English voice replied.
She turned to look, and couldn’t believe what she saw. “Yeah, really,” she groaned. He was. Rope bound his arms and legs, and beside him stood the woman who should have been being looked after by Lex Luthor.
And Lois Lane held in her hand a lead box – and the Boss knew only too well what was in there.
“I don’t believe this!” she muttered. “Tempus! Get them!”
“I don’t think so,” Clark Superman Kent growled. Suddenly, he became a blur, and when the dust settled not a single member of the Clique of Villains remained standing. Even her beloved Tempus lay face-down on the floor, a gag stuffed in his mouth and his feet and arms trussed like a turkey. How undignified.
The place was a madhouse. No, given the mess, she thought, pulling a face, it was more like a *doghouse*.
Then Lois and Clark were advancing on her. He looked even taller in person, and she felt towered over. “Nice try,” Lois Lane said. “Very clever, even.”
“Oh, well, you know. It’s always worth a try.”
Clark picked up her coffee-cup. “Yours? It’s cold.”
He gazed into it, and in seconds it was bubbling. He passed it to her. She took it and pulled a face. “I prefer it cold.”
“Too bad,” Lois said.
Clark still towered over her. “I don’t believe we’ve had the… pleasure before.”
“Yeah, you don’t appear anywhere on the list of people who want to kill us,” Lois pointed out.
“No?” The Boss smiled. “You’ll have to add me to the top of the list. No, you don’t know me,” she added. “But you do know my husband.”
“Your husband?”
“Yes.” She nodded to the trussed turkey on the floor. “I’m Elena. But you can call me Mrs Tempus.”
Taking advantage of their shock, she stepped past them and bent down beside her husband, putting her hand on his shoulder. Then, from her pocket, she produced her favourite device. Opening it, she said loudly, “PRONTO!”
There was a blinding flash of light. And then she and Tempus were safe. Defeated, but safe. They would live to fight another day – and this time they would win. Just as soon as she managed to assemble some *reliable* villains.
~ The End ~