Author: Mulitple
Rated: G/PG
by ChiefPam (who reads Dr. Suess far more than she watches musicals, these days…)
Young couple Martha & Jonathan Kent are driving home one evening when they spy a light in the sky … looks like a meteor! In Shuster’s Field! Consumed with curiosity, they investigate … and find themselves a baby in a spaceship. Martha falls in love immediately, with Jonathan not far behind. As they walk back to the truck, they softly recite:
“Look what we found, in the park, in the dark.”
“We will take him home; we will call him Clark.”
“He will live in our house, he will grow and grow.”
Jonathan quirks an eyebrow at his wife and smiles wryly. “Will our mothers like this? We don’t know!”
from “One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish,” by Dr. Suess.
-the end-
**********
by amac
I have a song running through my mind (lots of room up there) and I have to put it down somewhere. Can’t think of an a-plot, there is no b-plot, and I don’t even know the entire real lyric, or who wrote it. But I have to get it out of my mind, so I thought I’d send it to you. You can play with it if you want. The words have been changed to amuse. Can you name the actual song? the musical? I’ll even give you a clue: The name of the musical has something to do with Superman’s favorite beverage.
Intro:
quote:
I’m discontented
with capes that are rented,
so I have invented my own.
Darling, this “S”
has a home on my chest
where bulletproof vests
are unknown.
Far from the cry of the city,
don’t need no pity,
my tights are warm.
Cozy to hide in,
to fly through the night in,
can’t even get wrecked
in a storm.
Have you guessed it yet? Here’s the main part:
Picture me upon your knee,
just tea for two and two for tea,
me for you and you for me alone….
-the end-
**********
by Jude AKA Judith Williams
Scene 1: Daytime in Metropolis. A Continental Greyhound Bus comes to a stop and a bespectacled, lean and luscious Clark Kent disembarks. He looks around with wonderment as a male chorus sings in the background:
Metro polis
A wonderful town;
The Planet’s up, Hobbs Bay is down,
The people ride in a hole in the ground,
Metro polis, it’s a wonderful town.
‘New York, New York’ from On the Town, music by Leonard Bernstein
Lyrics by Betty Comden and Adolph Green, somewhat changed by Jude
-the end-
**********
by Jude AKA Judith Williams
Scene 2: The bullpen. An angry Lois Lane, forced to work with novice reporter, Clark Kent, stalks past him, snapping, “Let’s hit it.”
Clark, quickly following her says, “Do you mind if I ask where we’re going?”
Lois retorts, “To see Platt. He’s convinced the Messenger was sabotaged. And let’s get something straight. I did not work my buns off to become an investigative reporter for the Daily Planet just to baby-sit some hack from nowheresville. You’re not working with me you’re working for me. And another thing, I call the shots; I ask the questions. You are low man, I am Top Banana and that’s the way I like it. Comprende?”
Clark replies, “You like to be on top. Got it.” As they walk up the ramp toward the elevator, Clark stares innocently ahead, opens his mouth and in a pleasant light baritone sings:
You’re the top,
You’re the coliseum;
You’re the top
You’re the Louvre museum;
You’re an O’Neill drama. You’re Whistler’s Mama,
You’re Camembert.
You’re the Nile;
You’re the Tower of Pisa;
You’re the smile
On the Mona Lisa
You’re the nimble tread of the feet of Fred Astaire,
And Baby when I’m the bottom you’re the top.
As they approach the opening elevator doors, Lois sends Clark an annoyed glare and barks, “Don’t push it, Kent! You’re wa-a-ay out of your league here. In Metropolis, we rock and roll.
They step inside the elevator, the doors close. A-n-d cut to black.
‘You’re the Top’, lyrics and music by Cole Porter
-the end-
**********
by Supermom
SCENE: The bullpen of the Daily Planet.
Cat Grant notices Clark and gives a low wolf whistle. “Hey, who’s the new tight end?” Taking another long and lingering look at Clark’s end, Cat begins to croon in a sultry alto voice.
“When love comes in and takes you for a spin,
Oo la la la, C’est magnifique.
When ev’ry night your loved one hold you tight,
Oo la la la, C’est magnifique.
But when, one day, your loved one drifts away,
Oo la la la, It is so tragique.
But when, once more, he whispers, “Je t’adore”
C’est magnigique.”
Cat knew what she had to do and began planning just how she would accomplish it. Farmboy from Kansas? I’ll bet he’s looking for a little taste of home, she thought as a wicked smile curled her lips.
“C’est Magnifique”
from “Can-Can”
lyrics and music by Cole Porter
copyright 1953
-the end-
**********
by Supermom
SCENE: Lois’s apartment
“Did you find an escort to Lex Luthor’s White Orchid Ball?” Lucy Lane asked her older sister.
“Not yet,” Lois answered.
“Lois, it’s tomorrow night! What about Alan? I thought you liked him.”
The conversation continues with Lucy offering suggestions and Lois offering excuses why she can’t or won’t go out with these men.
“I just hate to see you sitting home.”
“I get out plenty. I have dates,” Lois answered defensively.
“You have interviews. It’s not the same thing. Lois, I just want you to meet a super guy.”
Lois swivels to face Lucy, puts her hands on her hips and begins…
“Oh, my mother was frightened by a shotgun they say,
That’s why I’m such a wonderful shot.
I’d be out in the cactus and I’d practice all day.
And now tell me what have I got?
I’m quick on the trigger,
With targets not much bigger
Than a pinpoint, I’m number one.
But my score with a feller
Is lower than a celler;
Oh, you can’t get a man with a gun.
When I’m with a pistol
I sparkle like a crystal,
Yes, I shine like the morning sun,
But I lose all my luster
When with a bronco buster;
Oh, you can’t get a man with a gun.
*Lucy joins in the chorus:
With a gun, with a gun,
No you can’t get a man with a gun.
If I went to battle
With someone’s herd of cattle,
You’d have steak when the job was done,
But if I shot the herder
They’d holler bloody murder,
And you can’t shoot a male in the tale like a quail;
Oh, you can’t get a man with a gun.
I’m cool, brave and daring
To see a lion glaring
When I’m out with my Remington
But a look from a mister
Will raise a fever blister
Oh you can’t get a man with a gun
The gals with umbrellers
Are always out with fellers
In the rain or the blazing sun.
But a man never trifles
With gals who carry rifles
Oh you can’t get a man with a gun
*With a gun, with a gun,
No you can’t get a man with a gun.
A man’s love is mighty,
He’ll even buy a nightie
For a gal who he thinks is fun,
But they don’t buy pajamas
For pistol packin’ mamas
And you can’t get a hug from a mug with a slug;
Oh, you can’t get a man with a gun.
If I shot a rabbit,
Some furrier would grab it
For a coat that would warm someone;
But you can’t shoot a lover
And use him for a cover
Oh, you can’t get a man with a gun.
If I shot an eagle,
Although it isn’t legal,
He’d be stuffed when the job was done,
But you can’t stuff a feller And watch him turnin’ yeller;
Oh, you can’t get a man with a gun.
*With a gun, with a gun,
No, you can’t get a man with a gun.
A Tom, Dick or Harry
Will build a house for Carrie
When the preacher has made them one,
But he can’t build you houses
With buck-shot in his trousers,
For a man may be hot, but he’s not when he’s shot
Oh, you can’t get a man with a gun.”
“You Can’t Get a Man With a Gun”
from “Annie Get Your Gun”
lyrics and music by Irving Berlin
-the end-
**********
by Eraygun
Lois opened the door to her apartment and slammed it shut behind her furiously. She flung her purse and her keys down on the sofa, yanked off her coat and threw it forcefully down on her purse, and stood there with her arms braced on the back of the sofa. She sighed.
Lucy came out of the kitchen. “Well?” she asked.
Oh, I blew it! I didn’t get the interview!”
“No,” Lucy said, coming up behind Lois. She rested her hands on her sister’s tense shoulders, massaging them. “Did he ask you out again?”
“Oh, I don’t know!” Lois replied, frustrated. “I guess so.”
“You guess so? I hope you said yes! Lex Luthor is the world’s most eligible bachelor!” Clearly frustrated with her sister Lucy became more animated “Mr. Right could be out there,” she told Lois, pointing to the window .
“Oh, come back to earth, Lucy! This is reality we’re talking about.” Lois walked to the window and looking a little wistfully down at the street, then up at the sky she begins to sing softly:
There’s a saying old, says that love is blind
Still we’re often told, “seek and ye shall find”
So I’m going to seek a certain lad I’ve had in mind
Looking everywhere, haven’t found him yet
He’s the big affair I cannot forget
Only man I ever think of with regret
I’d like to add his initial to my monogram
Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost lamb?
There’s a somebody I’m longing’ to see
I hope that he, turns out to be
Someone who’ll watch over me
I’m a little lamb who’s lost in the wood
I know I could, always be good
To one who’ll watch over me
Although he may not be the man some
Girls think of as handsome
To my heart he carries the key
Won’t you tell him please to put on some speed
Follow my lead, oh, how I need
Someone to watch over me
As Lois finishes her song, she signs and closes the curtains. Clark hovering at her window but hidden in the shadows of the building, silently flies off into the night.
Someone to Watch Over Me by Ira and George Gershwin
-the end-
**********
by Raggiemom
Scene: Lois and Clark are in their separate rooms. Lois is thinking about Superman who just flew into her life, and Clark is dreaming about Lois – a woman who is stirring up emotions he’d never thought he’d feel.
Clark: (hands behind his head floating near the ceiling):
Do I love you because you’re beautiful
Or are you beautiful because I love you
Am I making believe I see in you
A girl too lovely to be really true
Do I want you because you’re wonderful
Or are you wonderful because I want you?
Are you the sweet invention of a lover’s dream?
Or are you really as beautiful as you seem?
Lois (sniffing after watching the Ivory Tower):
Am I making believe I see in you
A man too perfect to be really true?
Do I want you because you’re Superman
Or are you Superman because I want you?
Are you the sweet invention of a lover’s dream
Or are you really as wonderful as you seem?
Together but separately in their own rooms:
Are you the sweet invention of a lover’s dream
Or are really as wonderful as you seem?
They both reach over and turn out their lights and scene fades.
“Do I Love You Because You’re Beautiful” by Rodgers & Hammerstein from ‘Cinderella’.
-the end-
**********
by Jude AKA Judith Williams
Scene: Lex Luthor’s ball. Clark has just cut in on Lex and Lois who is furious that he has ruined an opportunity she’s been after for months.
She makes a sarcastic remark about his dancing and he replies, “Actually I studied ballroom dancing with a Nigerian Princess…” She breaks in with, “Really, how fascinating,” whirls out of his arms and hurries away as he calls after her, “Lois, where are you going?”
Lois enters Lex Luthor’s study, followed closely by Clark, and she says, “I’m being a reporter. You should try it sometime.” Clark regards her soulfully, and sings:
They call you Mad Dog Lane
And there’s no room for doubt;
Sometimes you have a very unladylike way of acting out.
You’re face is beautiful,
You’re figure’s really lush;
But before the evening is over, you might give me the brush.
You might forget your manners,
You might refuse to stay
So the best that I can do is say…
Lois, be a lady tonight,
Lois, be a lady tonight;
Lois, if you’ve ever been a lady to begin with,
Lois, be a lady tonight.
Lois let this gentleman see
How nice you really can be;
I’ve seen the way you’ve treated other guys you’ve been with
Lois, be a lady with me.
A lady doesn’t leave her escort,
It isn’t smart; it isn’t wise;
A lady doesn’t wander off to other rooms
Even for a Pulitzer Prize.
So let’s keep the party polite;
Never get out of my sight.
Stick with me, Lois; I’m the fellow you invited,
Lois, be a lady tonight.
A lady wouldn’t flirt with bad guys;
She’d play it smart; she’d act a role.
A lady wouldn’t push me aside with disdain
When she’s won my heart and my soul.
Let’s keep the party polite;
Never get out of my sight.
Lois just remember I’m the fellow who’s your escort
You can be a lady, if you make a little effort
Lois be a lady,
Show me you’re a lady,
Please be a lady…tonight!
‘Luck be a lady’ from Guys and Dolls by Frank Loesser
-the end-
**********
by Dede
Lex has just brought Lois home. Lois walks into the apartment and slams the door shut. As she throws her keys and coat on the sofa, Lucy appears from the kitchen.
Lucy: Well?
Lois: Oh! I blew it! I didn’t get the interview.
Lucy: No. Did he ask you out again?
Lois: I don’t know… I guess so.
Lucy: You guess so? I hope you said yes. Lex Luthor is the world’s most eligible bachelor. Mr. Right could be right out there.
Lois: Oh, come back to earth Lucy. This is reality we’re talking about.
(the music swells and Lois begins to sing)
Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match
Find me a find, catch me a catch.
Matchmaker, matchmaker, look through your book
And make me a perfect match!
Matchmaker, matchmaker, I’ll bring the veil
You bring the groom, strong beyond scale
Bring me a ring for I’m longing to be
The envy of all I see.
Lucy:
For Mama, make him like liquor.
For Papa, make him be a smart thing.
Lois:
For me, well, I wouldn’t holler
If he was as handsome as anything.
Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match.
Find me a find, catch me a catch.
Night after night, in the dark I’m alone.
So find me a match of my own.
Matchmaker from Fiddler on the Roof.
-the end-
**********
by Jude AKA Judith Williams
Lois has just come back from her dinner with Lex Luthor, who has distracted her with his charm. She enters her apartment, slamming the door and exclaiming her disgust.
Lucy: Well…?
Lois: I blew it! I didn’t get the interview!
Lucy: No…did he ask you out again?
Lois: I don’t know. I guess so.
Lucy: You guess so? I hope you said yes. Lex Luthor is the world’s most eligible bachelor. Mr. Right could be right out there (indicating the window).
Camera recedes to show Clark standing on the ledge outside the window.
Lois: Oh, come back to earth, Lucy. This is reality we’re talking about.
Lois walks to the window, gazes out pensively and sings:
My ship has sails that are made of silk,
The decks are trimmed in gold;
And with jams and spice, there’s a paradise
In the hold.
My ship’s aglow with a million pearls
And rubies fill each bin;
The sun sits high in a sapphire sky
When my ship comes in.
I can wait for years till it appears
One fine day in spring;
But the pearls and such, they won’t mean much
If there’s missing just one thing.
I do not care if that day arrives;
That dream need never be;
If the ship I sing, doesn’t also bring
My own true love to me.
‘My Ship’ , lyrics by Ira Gershwin, music by Kurt Weill; from the Broadway musical, ‘Lady In the Dark’.
-the end-
**********
Scene: Daily Planet Newsroom
Lois is in the Daily Planet newsroom after hours. Everyone else has gone home for the day. She is sitting in her chair, throwing chocolate malt balls up into the air, and trying to catch them in her mouth. More seem to fall on the floor than make their intended target.
A slight “whoosh” is heard. Lois looked up and saw Superman.
“I here you’ve been looking for me,” Superman said..
Lois answered, “All my life. Everyone’s been looking for you.”
Superman answered, seriously, “I know, and I know you almost died because of that.”
“Well, it did make that bungee jump I did last year seem pretty tame.”
Superman said, forcefully, “I am going to find that man and stop him. That’s a promise, Lois.”
She smiled, flirtatiously. “You know my name. But I don’t know yours.”
“‘Superman’ seems to have caught on,” he answered with a slight shrug.
“Where are you from?” she asked.
“I’m from another planet. A place called Krypton,” he answered.
Lois asked, “Do you mind if I write some of this down?”
“No.”
“Um…you seem, uh, to have all the… parts of a man,” she stumbled, blushing.
“Oh, I am a man, Lois. Just like you are a woman,” he said in a deep, sultry voice. Then he continued.
Superman is a soaring soul,
As free as a mountain bird,
His energetic fist should be read to resist
Lex Luthor’s word.
His breath should pant and his lip should curl,
His eyes should flame and his brow should furl,
His bosom should heave and his heart should glow,
And his fist be ever ready for a knock-down blow.
His breath should pant and his lip should curl,
His eyes should flame and his brow should furl,
His bosom should heave and his heart should glow,
And his fist be ever ready for a knock-down blow.
His eyes should flash with an inborn fire,
His brow with scorn be rung;
He never should bow down to Lex’s domineering frown,
Or the tang of a villain’s tongue.
His foot should stamp and his throat should growl,
His hair should twirl and his face should scowl;
His eyes should flame and his breast protrude,
And this should be his customary attitude!
His foot should stamp and his throat should growl,
His hair should twirl and his face should scowl;
His eyes should flame and his breast protrude,
And this should be his customary attitude!
‘A British Tar is a Soaring Soul’ from Gilbert and Sullivan’s HMS Pinafore
-the end-
**********
SCENE: NEVERENDING BATTLE, Clark has noticed that Lois “stole” Jimmy’s idea to try to find Superman.
CLARK: (to himself while watching Lois, sings):
Why can’t you behave?
Oh, why can’t you behave?
After all the things you told me,
And the promises that you gave,
Oh, why can’t you behave?
Why can’t you be good?
And do just as you should?
Won’t you turn that new leaf over,
So your baby can be your slave?
Oh, why can’t you behave?
There’s a farm I know near my old home town,
Where we two can go and try settling down.
There I’ll care for you forever,
‘Cause you’re all in the world I crave.
But why can’t you behave?
<musical interlude>
There’s a farm I know near my old home town,
Where we two can go and try settling down.
There I’ll care for you forever,
‘Cause you’re all in the world I crave.
But why can’t you, oh why can’t you,
Oh why can’t you behave?
“Why Can’t You Behave?” from the musical “Kiss Me Kate” (one of my favorites), written by Cole Porter.
-the end-
**********
I’ve Got a Crush on You
by amac
Picture yourselves in the Metro Club. Lois has gone undercover to investigate a rash of arson fires. Perry has sent Clark, in disguise, to watch out for her. After Lois finishes singing “I’ve Got a Crush on You”, Clark follows her backstage.
“What are you doing here? Let me go!”
“Lois, be reasonable. It’s not safe for you here. I’m taking you home before you get hurt. You’re in over your head here.”
“Listen up, farm boy. I’m not going anywhere. You’re just trying to horn in on the story of the year. My story of the year.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I don’t need to steal your story. I get plenty of stories on my own.”
“Ha! You’re just jealous, Clark Kent. You know that anything you can do I can do better. I can do anything better than you.”
“No, you can’t.”
“Yes, I can.”
“No, you can’t.”
“Yes, I can.”
“No, you can’t.”
“Yes, I can, yes I can!”
“Listen Clark. Any dirt you can dig, I can dig deeper. I can dig any dirt deeper than you.”
“No, you can’t.”
“Yes, I can.”
“No, you can’t.”
“Yes, I can.”
“No, you can’t.”
“Yes, I can, yes I can!”
“Lo-is.”
“Listen, I can write a story. Make it nice and gory.”
“I can sweet talk females. Getting all the details.”
“I can live on choc-late ‘scream.”
“And only on that?”
“Yes.”
“Gonna get fat.”
“Any crook you can catch…What did you say? You think I’m what? That is it. You’ve gone too far this time. Over the line. Get Out Of Here Now.”
“Sorry Lois. No can do. Chief said I wasn’t to leave without you. And I won’t.”
At which point, Clark slings Lois over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and hightails it out the back door. As he hustles her into a cab, through the open window you can hear a woman shriek, “You’re going to pay for this, Clark Kent. If you think you can just waltz in and take over a story from Lois Lane, you’ve got another think coming. Who do you think you are? I was perfectly able to take care of ….You think I’m FAT?”
“Anything You Can Do”
Music and Lyrics by Irving Berlin from “Annie Get Your Gun”
-the end-
**********
Pheromone, My Lovely
By vstachou
I couldn’t resist taking up the challenge to do a Musical number w/ Lex and Nigel. So Without further ado…
(our story picks up towards the end of Pheremone My Lovely, after Lex has been sprayed by Miranda)
“Good Morning” Nigel said softly, setting down the basin and ewer of water. “We thought it best not to wake you when you dozed off.”
“I slept here all night?” Lex inquired, rubbing his had over his face to try to banish the last remnants of sleep.
“Yes sir. Were we wrong to?…”
“No…no…no.” Lex replied. “Miss Lane, what time did she…”
“She left early if you’ll recall sir. I drove her home.”
Lex rose to splash his face with some of the water and dry it with the towel held out to him by his servant. “Yes. I’m beginning to recall…”
(orchestral accompaniment begins)
Lex:
Did I abuse her or show her distain?
Why does she run from me?
If I should lose her
How shall I regain
The heart she has won from me?
Agony!
Beyond power of speech
When the one thing you want
Is the only thing out of your reach.
Nigel:
Agony!
Oh the torture they teach!
What’s so intriguing-
Lex:
Or half so fatiguing-
Both:
As what’s out of reach?
Lex:
Am I not sensitive,
Clever,
Well mannered,
Considerate,
Passionate,
Charming,
As ruthless as hansom,
and heir to the throne?
Nigel:
You are everything maidens could wish for.
Lex:
Then why no?
Nigel:
Do I know?
The girl must be mad!
Lex:
You know nothing of madness.
Agony!
Misery!
Woe!
Always ten steps behind
Always ten feet below
And she’s just out of reach.
Agony!
That can cut like a knife.
I must have her to wife.
~fin~ (with many apologies to Stephen Sondheim for cannibalizing his song Agony from the musical Into the Woods)
-the end-
**********
by Marci
Scene: after the dance of the seven veils in Clark’s apartment, Lois has a confusing dream about Superman.
Lois:
In sleep he sang to me
In dreams he came
That voice which calls to me and speaks my name
And do I dream again?
For now I find
Clark is really Superman is there
Inside my mind
Clark:
Sing once again with me our strange duet
My power over you grows stronger yet
And though you turn from me to glance behind
that I am really Superman is there
Inside your mind
Lois:
Those who have seen your suit draw far and near
That is a mask you wear
Superman:
It’s me they hear
Both:
Your/my spirit and your/my voice
In one combined
That Clark is Superman, is there
inside your/my mind
Creepy Chorus:
He’s there – that Clark is Superman
Beware that Clark is Superman
Clark:
In all your fantasies you always knew
That man and mystery
Lois:
Were both in you
Both:
And in this labyrinth where love is blind
that Clark is Superman is there/here
Inside your/my mind
Clark:
Sing, my Angel of Music
Lois:
He’s there
Clark and Superman
She, of course wakes up not remembering a thing
“My Angel of Music”
Lyrics: Andrew Lloyd Webber
from Phantom of the Opera
-the end-
**********
Scene: Jimmy asking Perry for a shot at writing his first story.
Perry:
You wait, little Jimmy, on an empty stage
For fate to turn the light on
Your life, little Jimmy,as an empty page
The Planet you want to write for
Jimmy:
To write for
Perry:
You are a gopher going on reporter
Jimmy, it’s time to think
Better beware, be canny and careful
Son, you’re on the brink
You are gopher going on reporter
You will have a byline
Eager brave readers, young and old
Will offer you their spare time
Totally unprepared are you
To face a world of them
Timid and shy and scared are you
Of things beyond your ken
You need someone older an wiser
Telling you what to do
I am editor going on retirement
I’ll take care of you
Jimmy:
I am gopher going on reporter
I know that I’m naive
Readers I meet may tell me I’m sweet
And willingly I believe
I am gopher going on reporter
Innocent as a rose
Scandels, scoops and informants
What do I know of those
Totally unprepared am I
To face a world of them
Timid and shy and scared am I
Of things beyond my ken
I need someone older and wiser
Telling me what to do
You are editor going on retirement
I’ll depend on you
“Sixteen, going on seventeen” by Oscar Hammerstein II from the Sound of Music
-the end-
**********
by Eraygun
SCENE: Cat is seated in the booth, nervously playing with her rosary beads. She speaks to a small, screened opening.
CAT:Bless me father for I have sinned… and sinned… and sinned.
PRIEST: How long has it been since your last confession?
CAT: (thinking hard)Twenty, uh, twenty?two years. But I’ve meant to get in more. I’ve just had a busy schedule.
PRIEST: Perhaps you should limit this confession to the most recent transgressions.
CAT:I told a man who has no memory that he desires me.
PRIEST: Does he?
CAT: Well, he ought to. Although he has been playing awfully hard to get.
PRIEST: So you are confessing to the sin of lust by taking advantage of a vulnerable man?
CAT:It’s kind of a pattern I see in my behavior. I guess I’ve always found meaning in meaningless relationships.
The music starts in the background and Cat begins to sing:
It ain’t so much a question of not knowing what to do.
I knowed whut’s right and wrong since I been ten.
I heared a lot of stories and I reckon they are true
About how girls’re put upon by men.
I know I mustn’t fall into the pit,
But when I’m with a feller, I fergit!
I’m jist a girl who cain’t say no,
I’m in a turrible fix
I always say “come on, le’s go”
Jist when I orta say nix!
When a person tries to kiss a girl,
I know she orta give his face a smack.
But as soon as someone kisses me,
I somehow, sorta, wanta kiss him back!
I’m jist a fool when lights are low
I cain’t be prissy and quaint
I ain’t the type that can faint
How can I be whut I ain’t?
I cain’t say no!
Whut you goin’ to do when a feller gits flirty, and starts to talk purty?
Whut you goin’ to do?
S’posin’ ‘at he says ‘at yer lips’re like cherries, er roses, er berries?
Whut you goin’ to do?
S’posin’ ‘at he says ‘at you’re sweeter ‘n cream,
And he’s gotta have cream er die?
Whut you goin’ to do when he talks that way,
Spit in his eye?
I’m jist a girl who cain’t say no,
Cain’t seem to say it at all
I hate to disserpoint a beau
When he is payin’ a call!
Fer a while I ack refined and cool,
A settin on the velveteen setee
Then I think of thet ol’ golden rule,
And do fer him what he would do fer me!
I cain’t resist a Romeo
In a sombrero and chaps
Soon as I sit on their laps
Somethin’ inside of me snaps
I cain’t say no!
CAT: I called everyone I know. They all have someone to be with.
PRIEST: But what you want now is reassurance that you’re never alone, that you are loved for your soul. Is that right?
CAT: Exactly. Aren’t there some things you passionately want to experience just once before you die?
The window between them slams shut.
CAT: Father? Father?
“I Cain’t Say No” From Oklahoma
Words: Oscar Hammerstein
Music: Richard Rogers
-the end-
**********
Barbarians at the Planet
by Bumpkin
Lois is sitting with Lex in his private plane on their way back from the exotic dinner date and Lex pulls out the ring…
Lois looks at it and takes a breath and starts to sing,
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
I think I did it again
I made you believe we’re more than just friends
Oh baby
It might seem like a crush
But it doesn’t mean that I’m serious
‘Cause to lose all my senses
That is just so typically me
Oh baby, baby
Chorus:
Oops!…I did it again
I played with your heart, got lost in the game
Oh baby, baby
Oops!…You think I’m in love
That I’m sent from above
I’m not that innocent
You see my problem is this
I’m dreaming away
Wishing that heroes, they truly exist
I cry, watching the days
Can’t you see I’m a fool in so many ways
But to lose all my senses
That is just so typically me
Baby, oh
Chorus:
Oops!…I did it again
I played with your heart, got lost in the game
Oh baby, baby
Oops!…You think I’m in love
That I’m sent from above
I’m not that innocent
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
“All aboard”(the plane)
“Lois, before you go, there’s something I want you to have”(Lex)
“Oh, it’s beautiful, but wait a minute, isn’t this…?”(Lois)
“Yeah, yes it is”(Lex)
“But I thought the old lady dropped it into the ocean in the end”(Lois)
“Well baby, I went down and got it for you”(Lex)
“Oh, you shouldn’t have”(Lois)
Oops!…I did it again to your heart
Got lost in this game, oh baby
Oops!…You think that I’m sent from above
I’m not that innocent
Chorus:
Oops!…I did it again
I played with your heart, got lost in the game
Oh baby, baby
Oops!…You think I’m in love
That I’m sent from above
I’m not that innocent
Lois subsides from song and gently closes the velvet box and tells Lex that she is going to have to think about it…
“Oops, I Did It Again” by Britney Spears
-the end-
**********
by KitKaos
Scene: “Barbarians At The Planet”, Lois’ apartment – night outside
Lois, in her nightgown, is curled up on the sofa watching TV. She hears a WHOOSH by her window, turns to see Superman standing by it.
LOIS Superman!
SUPERMAN I heard you wanted to see me.
LOIS Yes. Please, come in. I’ll just put on a robe.
SUPERMAN Unless it’s lead-lined, Lois, it’s a waste of time.
LOIS (red-faced) I guess so. Anyway, I’m just trying to figure out…
LOIS (cont’d) well, there’ve been a lot of changes going on in my life and I’m trying to make the right, decisions, but I can’t until I know… how you feel.
Lois walks up to Superman, puts her hand on his chest.
LOIS (Cont’d) Superman, is there any hope for us? You and me? I’m so completely in love with you that I can’t do anything else without knowing.
SUPERMAN (shaking his head) Lois, I do care for you. But… there are things about me you don’t know, that you may never know.
LOIS It doesn’t matter. I know _you_. And I don’t mean you the celebrity or you the ‘superhero.’ If you had _no_ powers, if you were just an ordinary man leading an ordinary life, I’d love you just the same. Can’t you believe that?
Superman turns from Lois to the audience, a spotlight turns on him while the stage light is turned off, and he starts to sing:
I’m all dressed up in my finest attitude
Pretending I don’t care.
Guess I really messed up by trying to be two,
When only one heart can be there.
Why can’t I be just what I am,
And speak my love wthout any shame?
Why can’t she see what I am,
Is a costumed fool trapped in a tragic game?
Charades and pretty lies
They hide what’s deep inside me.
Charades do disguise
All the love I keep inside me.
Charades! Can’t see me,
But can you feel the real me,
The real me behind my charades?
Oh, please don’t mind me,
Performing at my hardest
As I paint upon the air.
You won’t find me
Cause it’s a portrait of the artist
As a man who isn’t there.
Charades and pretty lies
They hide what’s deep inside me.
Charades do disguise
All the love I keep inside me.
Charades! Can’t see me,
But can you feel the real me,
The real me behind my charades?
Can’t you feel the real me,
Behind my charades?
Have I lost the real me,
Behind my charades?
The last note is fading and slowly the light goes on again. Superman turns back to Lois and answers her question:
SUPERMAN (heartsick) I wish I could, Lois. But, under the circumstances, I don’t see how I can.
Lois stares at him, tears forming in her eyes, then turns away. When she turns around again…
LOIS Superman…
He’s gone. Only the flutter of the curtains remains. As the tears come freely now down Lois’ cheeks we… FADE OUT.
“Charades” from “Grease 2”, lyrics by Michael Gibson, performed by Maxwell Caulfield
-the end-
**********
by Jude AKA Judith Williams
Lois has come to Lex Luthor’s penthouse to give him her answer to his proposal. She has been rejected by Superman, and she and Clark have just had a fight at Perry’s retirement party. Her answer is, “Yes, Lex, I will marry you.” They kiss.
Superman, hovering outside the terrace doors is devastated. He flies to the Arctic where he screams in anguish. He returns to his apartment, slumps on the couch, gazes at the photograph of Lois with him at the Kerth awards and sings:
My Love was a face in the misty night
Footsteps that I heard down a hall,
A laugh floating on a summer’s night
That I could never quite recall.
Then I met Lois in a place I was passing through
Her eyes, how familiar they seem;
My love had a name and a face to view
It was Lois, now she’ll stay just a dream.
‘Laura”, lyrics by Johnny Mercer, music by David Raksin; from the motion picture, ‘Laura’. With apologies to Johnny Mercer for making changes to his beautiful words.
-the end-
**********
. Or Lex! Now there’s a real challenge.
Never let it be said that Supermom didn’t rise to a challenge!
SCENE: Lex Luthor’s Penthouse
The Wedding March ends as Lois joins Luthor at the altar. She stares in shock at the clergyman standing before her.
“The Archbishop?” Lois whispers to Lex.
“The Pope had a prior engagement.”
“Dearly beloved,” the Archbishop began solemnly. “We are gathered here today in the sight of God, and in the presence of these witnesses, to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony.”
Lois listened as he continued with the vows.
“…till death do you part?”
“I do,” Lex answered soberly.
“And do you, Lois, take this man to be your wedded husband from this day forward, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do you part?”
“I…”
She looked around, paused. The room waited breathlessly.
Lex gently prodded her. “Lois…”
“I… can’t!”
The rear doors crashed open and everyone looked.
Perry, Jimmy, and Jack, spilled into the room, followed by a half dozen Metropolis police officers and Inspector Henderson. After Henderson waved a warrant at Lex, charging him with arson and other crimes, officers moved in to arrest the billionaire.
Luthor’s mouth fell open as he glanced toward the back of the ballroom. There, standing next to two detectives, in handcuffs, was Mrs. Cox. She shrugged at Luthor.
“Et tu, Mrs. Cox?”
Turning to Lois, Lex said, “Sorry, Lois. I’ll have to take a rain check. I’m afraid something’s come up.”
Straightening his bow tie, he reached behind a pew and retrieved a top hat and cane and as the toe-tapping melody began brightly, Lex sang:
“Things have come to a pretty pass,
Our romance is growing flat,
For you like this and the other,
While I go for this and that.
Goodness knows what the end will be,
Oh I don’t know where I’m at….
It looks as if we two will never be one,
Something must be done.
You say either and I say eyether,
You say neither and I say nyther;
Either, eyether,
Neither, nyther,
Let’s call the whole thing off.
You like potato and I like potahto,
You like tomato and I like tomahto,
Potato, potahto,
Tomato, tomahto,
Let’s call the whole thing off!
But oh! If we call the whole thing off, then we must part.
An oh! If we ever part, then that might break my heart!
So if you like pajamas and I like pajahmas,
I’ll wear pajamas and give up pajahmas,
For we know we need each other,
So we better call the calling off off.
Let’s call the whole thing off!”
Henderson grabbed Luthor’s arm, but Luthor twisted free, disposeed of the two cops in his way with several well-executed karate moves, and disappeared through a side door.
“Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off”
from “Shall We Dance”
lyrics by Ira Gershwin
music by George Gershwin
copyright 1937
-the end-
**********
by Raggiemom
Scene: Luthor has just jumped off the building. The police are milling around the scene of the crime, getting ready to take the body away.
Inspector Henderson:
Poor Lex is daid
Poor Lex Luthor daid
Let’s gather round his body now and cry
He had a heart of gold
And he wasn’t very old
Why did such a fella have to die
Poor Lex is daid
Poor Lex Luthor daid
He’s looking so peaceful and serene.
Perry: And serene!
Henderson:
He’s all laid out to rest
His hands across his chest
His fingernails have never been so clean
Poor Lex is daid
Poor Lex Luthor’s daid
His friends will weep and wail from miles around
Perry:
Miles around…
Henderson:
The sidewalk and the street
Will now start to reek
because poor Lex was laying on the ground
Poor Lex is daid
A street lamp lights his head
He’s laying on a gurney made of steel
And folks are feeling sad
‘Cause they treated him so bad
and now they know their friend has gone for good
Perry: For good
Everyone :
Poor Lex is daid
A street lamp lights his head
He lookin’ oh so pretty and so nice
He looks likes he’s asleep
It’s a shame that he won’t keep
Too bad someone can’t put him on some ice
Poor Lex! Poor Lex!
Scene fades…
I’m stuck in Rodger and Hammerstein’s Oklahoma – the song is “Pore Jud is Daid”
-the end-
**********
by Dede
Lois is showing Clark around LNN and trying to talk him into joining her as an employee there.
Clark: I can’t believe you’ve given up so easily on the Planet. Did it really mean that little to you?
Lois: The Planet meant as much to me if not more than it did to you. But it’s gone. Even Lex can’t put it back together. And this is good, exciting work.
Clark: I will never work for Lex Luthor!
Lois: What about us? What about partners?
Clark: Lois, is there someplace we can talk? Alone?
Lois: Yeah
They go outside and are walking through the park.
Clark: When I thought about losing my job at the Dailey Planet, saying goodbye to Perry, Jimmy and everyone, I realized something. I realized that I could lose all that and still go on. I realized that there was really only one thing that I didn’t want to live without … and that was you. Seeing you every day. Working with you. Just being with you.
Lois: Well that’s why you should come and be my partner.
Lois and Clark sit down on the park bench.
Clark: No, Lois! Listen to me. I’m not talking about partnership. I’m talking about us. I have been in love with you for a long time. You had to have known.
Lois: I mean I knew. I mean, I guess I knew that you liked me or were attracted to me. Oh, Clark. I’m sorry! I just don’t feel that way about you – romantically. You’re my best friend. The only partner I could ever stand to work with. I admire you and I respect you and I do love you … as a friend.
Clark runs his hand through his hair as he stands.
Clark: And what about Luthor? Do you love him?
Lois: I don’t know. I mean I have feelings for him. I haven’t said yes yet. And I won’t until I talk it over with someone else.
Clark: Who?
Lois: I think you know who?
In a quiet baritone Clark beings to sing.
I’ll be around,
No matter how
You treat me now.
I’ll be around from now on.
Your latest love
Can never last,
And when it’s past,
I’ll be around when he’s gone.
Goodbye till then.
I know you’ll find that Lex’s a swine.
Just now and then,
Oh, drop a line to say you’re feeling fine
And when things go wrong
Perhaps you’ll see
You’re meant for me
So I’ll be around when he’s gone.
The song is I’ll Be Around by Alex Wilder and sung by The Mills Brothers. My apologies to Mr. Wilder for changing the words.
-the end-
**********
Church of Metropolis
by Supermom
SCENE: Lois’s apartment
The party had been wonderful. Lois had surprised herself when she allowed Mayson to cut in on her dance with Clark. But of course Perry had stepped in, cautioning her about his deep and deadly “dip.” It had been fun and she was sorry to see the evening end.
But then Superman had appeared at her window. She had invited him in and learned something new about him. He loved to dance!
“THIS is dancing,” he had told her and had shown her what “real” dancing was — holding her in his arms and twirling her around while floating!
Superman had flown off to patrol the city — to keep the citizens of Metropolis safe. Lois waved to him from her window as he flew away, then moved back to the middle of the room where moments before she had been in Superman’s arms.
“Bed! Bed! I couldn’t go to bed,
My head’s too light to try to set it down.
Sleep! Sleep! I couldn’t sleep tonight,
Not for all the jewels in the crown.
I could have danced all night!
I could have danced all night!
And still have begged for more.
I could have spread my wings
And done a thousand things
I’ve never done before.
I’ll never know what made it so exciting,
Why all at once my heart took flight.
I only know when he began to dance with me,
I could have danced, danced, danced
All night!”
“I Could Have Danced All Night”
from “My Fair Lady”
lyric by Alan Jay Lerner
music by Frederick Loewe
copyright 1956
-the end-
**********
by Eraygun
I hope you don’t mind Supermom but I couldn’t resist a little addition to your Church of Metropolis number . Can you tell I’ve seen White Christmas too many times ?.
SCENE: Lois’s apartment
quote:
“The party had been wonderful. Lois had surprised herself when she allowed Mayson to cut in on her dance with Clark. But of course Perry had stepped in, cautioning her about his deep and deadly “dip.” It had been fun and she was sorry to see the evening end.
But then Superman had appeared at her window. She had invited him in and learned something new about him. He loved to dance!”
“THIS is dancing,” he had told her. Then holding her in his arms he began twirling her around while floating! And as the song ‘Fly Me To the Moon ‘ended, wonder of wonders Superman began to sing to her!:
The best things
Happen while you’re dancing
Things that you would not do at home
Come naturally on the floor
For dancing
Soon becomes romancing
When you hold a girl in your arms that you’ve never held before
Even guys with two left feet
Come out all right if the girl is neat
‘Specially if their lips should meet while dancing
Just proving that the best things happen while you dance.
The Best Things Happen While You’re Dancing
Words and Music by Irving Berlin
-the end-
**********
That Old Gang of Mine
by Supermom
SCENE: Smallville, Kansas
After Clyde Barrow had shot him and Al Capone had ordered his body be dumped in an abandoned alley, Clark realized that life as he had known it for the past months was over. There would be no more Clark Kent, no Daily Planet, no ballgames with Perry and Jimmy. And most devastating of all, there would be no Lois in his life.
Shaking the debris from his suit, Clark looked around to make sure no one was watching, then raised one hand in the air and shot upward. Destination: Smallville.
He talked with his folks and poured out the despair he felt in his heart. Sure, he could continue as Superman, but what he really wanted — what he had always wanted — was a normal life. Clark had always wanted to meet a woman, fall in love, and have a family. He wanted a loving family like the one he had grown up in. He’d met the woman and he’d fallen head over heels in love with her. And just when he thought there might be a chance that she would fall in love with him too, THIS had to happen.
The hour grew late and his folks went to bed, promising to think of some solution of his dilemma. Sleep eluded him and he soon found himself flying around Smallville, looking down on all the special places from his youth — the little league baseball field, the ice cream parlor on Main Street, the city park where he had won Lois the teddy bear, and finally Smallville High School.
He flew over the school, remembering many good times. He thought of Mr. Whitacre, the chemistry teacher who hadn’t minded when they had made stink bombs. And there was Mrs. Bellingrath, his English teacher, who had such an impact on his career as a journalist. As he drifted lazily over the old brick building, he could hear a faint melody…
“Smallville High may call you
Any night, any day.
In your heart you’ll hear it call you:
“Come away, Come away.”
Smallville High will whisper
On the wind of the sea.
“Here am I — your special high school.
Come to me, Come to me.”
Adaptation of “Bali Ha’I”
From “South Pacific”
Lyrics by Oscar Hammerstein 2nd
Music by Richard Rodgers
Copyright 1949
-the end-
**********
by two2feet
Scene: Lois at the planet after Clark was shot.
There’s a grief that can’t be spoken
There’s a pain goes on and on
An empty chair and empty table
My best friend is dead and gone
Here I talked and planned our story
Here it was we lit the flame
Here we spoke about tommorrow
And tommorrow never came
From his desk there in the corner
He worked towards a world reborn
And he rose, with his voice ringing
I can hear him now
The very words that he had said
Became his last communion
In one frightening deadly flash, he’s gone.
Oh my friend, my friend forgive me
That I live and you are gone
There’s a grief that can’t be spoken
There’s a pain, goes on and on
Phantom face there at the window
Phantom shadow on the floor
An empty chair and empty table
Where my friend will work no more
Oh my friend, my friend, don’t ask me
What your sacrifice was for
An empty chair and empty table
Where my friend will sit, no more.
“Empty Chairs At Empty Tables” from Les Miserables
lyrics by Herber Kretzmer
-the end-
**********
Scene: A restaurant. Think TGIF’S, only not as busy. Lois and Clark are in a corner booth, going over some papers. The remains of a meal in front of them.
CLARK: According to this research, only two labs in Metropolis had dealings in robotics. Lexcorp…
LOIS: Which is out of business.
CLARK:And Starlabs.
LOIS: (eyeing papers): Which layed off half their workers because of defense cutbacks. I wonder if a disgruntled ex employee is behind this.
CLARK: Maybe. What do they call someone who’s happy with his job? A gruntled employee?
A waitress, LUCY, early 20’s, cute, self assured, approaches with a pot of coffee.
LUCY:How was everything?
LOIS:Well, the service was kind of slow,but aside from that…
LUCY:I’m so sorry. Tell you what, your dessert’s on me. That and your senior citizen discount should make up for it.
Lois fakes pulling an arrow out of her heart. Lucy laughs.
CLARK:You know, I always envisioned the relationship between siblings to be…well… something different.
LOIS:That’s because you’re an only child.
With that Lois gets up from the table and stands next to Lucy and the two women break into song:
Sisters, sisters
There were never such devoted sisters
Never had to have a chaperone, no sir
I’m here to keep my eye on her
Caring, sharing
Every little thing that we are wearing
When a certain gentleman arrived from Rome
She wore the dress and I stayed home
All kinds of weather we stick together
The same in the rain or sun
Two different faces but in tight places
We think and we act as one, ha-ha-ha-ha
Those who’ve seen us
Know that not a thing can come between us
Many men have tried to split us up but no one can
Lord help the mister who comes between me and my sister
And lord help the sister who comes between me and my man
All kinds of weather we stick together
The same in the rain or sun
Two different faces but in tight places
We think and we act as one, ah-ha
Those who’ve seen us
Know that not a thing could come between us
Many men have tried to split us up but no one can
Lord help the mister who comes between me and my sister
And lord help the sister who comes between me and my man
Sisters! Sisters!
Sister, don’t come between me and my man!
The song completed Lois sits back down as Lucy pours coffee into their cups…
CLARK:So Lucy, how’s it feel to be back in Metropolis?
LUCY Great. California was fun, but it was time to get back to school and finish my degree.
“Sisters”
Words and Music by Irving Berlin
-the end-
**********
by Dede
Lois has just wheeled Lex (in his wheelchair) across the street and then left. Nigel emerges from the shadows and begins to push Lex’s wheelchair down the alley.
Lex: She’s more beautiful than ever.
Nigel: Oh, and what about Gretchen?
Lex: What about her? She’s my physician, she doesn’t inspire me.
Nigel: I suppose it has occurred to you that Ms. Lane might not come quite so easily this time?
Lex: It can not prove the lover to entertain these farewell-spoken days. I’m determined to prove the villain.
Nigel: Richard the Third. Your favorite.
Lex: My hero. And like Richard I will not be denied. I’ll give her the chance to come willingly. If she won’t come, I’ll take her by force.
(the music begins)
Way beyond the light o’er there
A little down the line
The Planet and the Star and all
Are scheduled to be mine.
I’m gonna be the ruler
Of most everything around
From the grandest of the towers
To the grubby common ground
My reign will be a super-fearful thing
Oh, I just can’t wait to be king.
I’m going to be a wicked king
Un-scrupulously unfair
I only need a little time
Perhaps a little hair.
I’m gonna be the big event
Like no king was before
I’m brushing up on looking down.
I’m working on my roar.
The people all will fear my sting
Oh, I just can’t wait to be king.
No one stopping me now
Not Lois Lane nor Kent
No one saying stop that
Not even Superman
Free to take what’er I wish
I’ll be free to do it my way.
The time has come
As someone said
To talk of many things
This may be true
But I would rather stick to talking kings.
Oh, I can really see it
The world will bow at my feet
It isn’t just my right
Even my left will be divine
Metropolis is waiting to go zing!
Oh, I just can’t wait to be king!
(Nigel continues to push Luther down the alley)
Oh, I just can’t wait to be king!
Oh, I just can’t wait to be king!
(screen fades to black!)
I Just Can’t Wait to be King from the Lion King.
-the end-
**********
by KitKaos
Scene: Underground, Lex in front of a laptop computer
Lex is typing furiously to see if his Swiss bank accounts are still there – nothing. When seeing that he’s left with nothing (I don’t know what exactly his words are at this point), he stands up and sighs, then starts to sing (maybe shaking his head for emphasis):
“Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away,
Now it looks as though they’re here to stay,
Oh I believe in yesterday.”
He steps up to Nigel and looks him in the eye.
“Suddenly, I’m not haf the man I used to be,
There’s a shadow hanging over me,…”
Nigel: “I assume you mean Intergang, Sir…”
Lex simply nods and sings on: “Oh yesterday came suddenly…”
He steps to the exit door and looks out/up (?) longingly.
“Why did I have to go, I don’t know, on my wedding day.
I did some things wrong, now I long for yesterday…”
His expression gets angry, but he’s still looking at the door and the city that lies behind it.
“Yesterday, power was such an easy game to play,”
Lex turns to his companions and gestures around the dirty underground room.
“Now I need a place to hide away,”
He slumps back into the chair in front of the laptop computer and shakes his head.
“Oh I believe in yesterday…”
“Yesterday” by the Beatles
-the end-
**********
Tempus Fugitive
by Jude AKA Judith Williams
However there is one important character we’ve been neglecting. Poor Tempus! Everyone is ignoring him. Well, we can’t have that.
The scene is in Tempus Fugitive. Tempus has just arrived back at the Time Machine after robbing an incredibly stupid gun dealer of a 9mm semi-automatic and a tasteful selection of gold chains for men. Tempus introduces himself to Lois, telling her his name and that he’s from the future which she and Superman created. He asks her, “You want to know the future Miss Lane?” Then he sings:
It’s a drear day
Out there in the future;
When you live in Utopia.
It’s no fun there
You can’t own a gun there
Lack of criminal behavior means a dull cornucopia.
Nine thousand peaceful channels
Play on everyone’s TV,
What a bore, but I’ll restore
Some violence to my century.
On to Smallville for a kill day;
Superman’ll be dead for forever and ever, if I have my way.
“On a Clear Day” by Alan Jay Lerner and Burton Lane
-the end-
**********
by Hazel
Okay, here’s Tempus, sneering at Lois as he and Herb set off for Smallville:
“Oh, gee, if only I had a time machine…”
I could rule a violent planet
And kill ya while I’m at it
If I had a time machine
I could warp time and places
Without leaving any traces
If I had a time machine
I could revel in some violence,
Destroy the peace and silence
If I had a time machine
I could zoom off to Smallville
And leave Supey feeling real ill
If I had a time machine
Oh I could tell you why
Utopia’s such a bore
I could kill some folks I’ve never killed before
And then I’d stop and kill some more!
If you say that I’m a bad guy,
I’ll blush and say that I try
With this lovely time machine
I’ll do all that I can
To murder baby Superman
Thanks to this lovely time machine!
The Wizard of Oz, “If I Only Had a Brain”
-the end-
**********
by KitKaos
Scene: 1866, at the time machine:
Tempus is talking to H.G. Wells about the robbed gold, Lois just sneaked up on them. Tempus turns around and sees her.
Tempus: “Miss Lane, what are you doing here ?”
Lois: “Uh… Well I grabbed on to the back of this machine before it… you know… poof…”
H.G. Wells: “Yes, yes, yes, quite… I-if she did, she would have been caught in the… the… the poof, the interdimensional vortex…”
Tempus: “Uh-huh…” and he starts to sing while stepping closer to Lois:
“It’s astounding;
Time is fleeting;
Madness takes its toll.
But listen closely,
Not for very much longer…
I’ve got to keep control.”
He points his index finger at Lois.
“I remember doing the time-warp
Dinking those moments when the blackness would hit me,
And the void would be calling…”
He turns around and half shouts, half sings, at H.G. Wells:
“Let’s do the time-warp again!
Let’s do the time-warp again!”
H.G. Wells shrugs and points out: “It’s just a jump to the left.”
Lois with a superior grin on her face, to Tempus: “And then a step to the right.”
H.G. Wells nods and smiles to Lois: “And YOU put your hands on my ship(?)…”
Tempus angrily replies to Lois:
“You thought you played your cards right,
But I’ll correct that fast,
And it’ll drive you insane.”
He focuses on H.G. Wells and again half shouts, half sings:
“Let’s do the time-warp again!
Let’s do the time warp again!”
He calms down and, evilly, gets back to Lois.
In spoken voice (not sung): “You know, Miss Lane…”
Sung:
“It’s so dreamy, my fantasy freed me.
So you can’t beat me, no, not at all.
In another dimension, with homicidal intention,
Well secluded, I can do it all!
(Spoken : ) Because…
(Sung : ) With a bit of a mind flip,
I was into the time slip.
And nothing won’t ever be the same.
I take revenge with sensation…”
Lois (smugly): “Like you’re under sedation.”
Tempus’ anger flares again and he turns back to H.G. Wells, again half singing, half shouting:
“Let’s do the time-warp again!
Let’s do the time warp again!”
H.G. Well kind of helplessly looks over to Lois, then shrugs at Tempus.
“It’s just a jump to the left.”
Lois again, encouraged, superior: “And then a step to the right.”
Tempus, really angry, at Lois, pointing:
(slow, dangerous) “But YOU put your hands on the ship… (music fades)
(spoken, to Lois) You came alone?”
Lois: “Yes.”
Tempus (gun pointing at her): “Well… Lois Lane, independent career woman of the 1990s, you’re about to be stranded in 1866, without the right to vote, own property, or write for a great metropolitan newspaper… (laughs)… God, I love irony!”
“The Time Warp” from “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” (hope my adapted version doesn’t disfigure the song too much)
-the end-
**********
Lois is lying on the couch in Dr. Friskin’s office, trying to choose betwen Clark, Superman, and Scardino. Dr. Friskin has just asked her, “And how does that make you feel?”
Lois:
How do you solve a problem with your boyfriend?
How do you catch a cape and pin it down?
How can you choose which one to make your boyfriend?
The hero from Krypton? Your very best friend? The clown?
Many a time I thought I knew the answer
Many a time I thought I’d make the choice
But how to make up my mind
And leave two of them behind
Oh, how can my heart’s desire find its voice?
Oh, how do you solve a problem with your boyfriend?
How do you take that step to change your world?
Dr. Friskin:
When you’re with them you’re confused
Out of focus and bemused
It’s like chocolate, an addiction on your part
Lois:
Hawaiian shirts are so passe
Spandex makes him look oKAY!
But those crazy ties and glasses touch my heart
Dr. Friskin:
It takes courage to begin
It’s the only way to win
Can you take that next step, Lois, can you try?
Lois:
I don’t know which way to turn!
All I know is how I yearn!
Dr. Friskin:
You’re no victim!
Choose just ONE him!
Lois (wails):
Tell me why?
Dr. Friskin (softly):
You have to solve your problem with your boyfriend
You have to take your heart and pin it down
Lois (staring into distance):
I have to choose the man who is my boyfriend
I’ll choose the one who holds me in his hand
“(How Do You Stop a Problem Like) Maria” from “The Sound of Music”
-the end-
**********
by ChrisH.
Clark’s sitting on the couch, watching TV. There’s a knock at the door. He gets up, opens it.
Lois: Hi.
Clark: Hi.
Lois: You planning a yard sale? Wait, wait. No, wait, that’s a form of distancing. My therapist . . . I know I have a therapist, can you believe it? She says that I say things like that to distance myself, so I don’t actually have to deal with anything. It’s all very complicated, has to do with some boring childhood trauma. Can I come in? I told Superman I just want to be friends… that there’s someone else… And Dan and I —
Clark (interrupts): Look, Lois, if you came here to tell me that you and Dan are…
Lois: We’re not going to see each other anymore. Wait a minute, this isn’t just vacation packing, is it? This is forever packing.
Clark: I was thinking of moving but now I’m not so sure.
Lois: What, you were just going to slip out of town, not even tell me? Maybe send me a post card from — ? Distancing, distancing. Sorry. But this is… I mean, leaving, I didn’t expect this.
He doesn’t say anything so she starts singing:
Baby, I’m so into you
You got that somethin’, what can I do?
Baby, you spin me around
The earth is movin’, but I can’t feel the ground
Every time you look at me
My heart is jumpin’, it’s easy to see
Lovin’ you means so much more
More than anything I ever felt before
You drive me crazy
I just can’t sleep
I’m so excited, I’m in too deep
Oh…crazy, but it feels alright
Baby, thinkin’ of you keeps me up all night
Tell me you’re so into me
That I’m the only one you will see
Tell me I’m not in the blue
That I’m not wastin’ my feelings on you
Lovin’ you means so much more
More than anything I ever felt before
Crazy, I just can’t sleep
I’m so excited, I’m in too deep
Crazy, but it feels alright
Every day and every night
You drive me crazy
Oh..crazy, but it feels alright
Baby thinkin’ of you keeps me up all night
Baby thinkin’ of you keeps me up all night
They kiss.
“Crazy” recorded by Britney
-the end-
**********
by Eraygun
The Scene: The Park:
Superman comes out fast, takes a deep breath, moves to a bench and sits, exhausted. A LITTLE GIRL walks up.
GIRL: You look sad, Superman.
SUPERMAN: I’m okay.
GIRL: Want a hug?
He nods. She loops her arms around his neck and gives him a squeeze and a peck on the cheek.
GIRL: Don’t be a Mr. Gloomy Pants.
SUPERMAN: I’ll try.
She turns to leave but the background music swells and she turns back to Superman and starts to sing:
You got to ac-cent-tchu-ate the positive
E-lim-i-nate the negative
And latch on to the affirmative
Don’t mess with mister inbetween
You got to spread joy up to the maximum
Bring gloom down to the minimum
And have faith, or pandemonium
Liable to walk upon the scene
To illustrate my last remark
Jonah in the whale, Noah in the ark,
What did they do, just when everything looked so dark?
Man, they said, we better
Ac-cent-tchu-ate the positive
E-lim-i-nate the negative
And latch on to the affirmative
Don’t mess with mister inbetween
Clark gives the little girl a warm smile. Her song finished she hugs him again, turns and skips away. Lois who had been watching everything as she was leaving the courthouse approaches him.
LOIS: Careful, I might get jealous.
Superman turns as Lois sits next to him.
SUPERMAN: Lois… what are you doing here?
Song Ac-cent-tchu-ate the Positive
Lyrics by: Johnny Mercer
Music by:Harold Arlen
-the end-
**********
by audo
SCENE A busy newsroom, the Daily Planet, in fact. Various extras run back and forth, looking busy. Camera focuses in on Lois, sitting at her desk, talking on the phone, Clark leaning on the desk. It’s the seen from And the Answer Is … when Lois and Clark are wearing the same clothes the next day.
Camera cuts to Jimmy and Perry White, surveying the newsroom.
JIMMY:
What’s playing at the Roxy?
I’ll tell you what’s playing at the Roxy.
A picture about a Smallville man falls in love with a Metropolis girl
That he sacrifices everything and moves all the way to Biloxi.
That’s what’s playing at the Roxy.
PERRY:
What’s in the daily news?
I’ll tell you what’s in the daily news.
Story about a man bought his partner a small rock
With what otherwise would have been his union dues.
That’s what’s in the daily news.
JIMMY & PERRY:
What’s happening all over?
I’ll tell you what’s happening all over.
Guy sitting home by a telephone
That used to be something of a rover.
That’s what’s happening all over.
Love is the thing that has nipped them.
And it looks like Clark’s just another victim.
JIMMY (spoken) Yes, sir!
JIMMY:
When you see a guy reach for stars in the sky
You can bet that he’s doing it for some doll.
When you spot a John waiting out in the rain
Chances are he’s insane as only a John can be for a Jane.
When you meet a Joe paying all kinds of dough
For a show that could rival the Taj Mahal.
Call it sad, call it funny.
But it’s better than even money
That the guy’s only doing it for some doll.
PERRY:
When you see a guy adjusting his tie
You can bet he’ll be showing it to some doll.
When a friend buys roses like a friend can’t afford
It’s a cinch that the friend is under the thumb of some little broad.
When you meet a mug lately out of the jug
And he’s still lifting criminal folderol
Call it hell, call it heaven
But it’s probable twelve to seven
That the guy’s only doing it for some doll.
JIMMY & PERRY:
Call it dumb, call it clever
Ah, but you can get odds forever
That the guy’s only doing it for some doll
Some doll, some doll
The guy’s only doing it for some doll!
— Guys and Dolls, from the Musical Guys and Dolls.
-the end-
**********